variation
27-01-2005, 21:48
... these are a collection of thoughts I was experiencing on the tail end of a 4-methyl-aminorex dose... mind was much to active, and thoughts can be somewhat confusing.. they made sense to me, but I think you really need my brain to completly relate.. I believe this drug has some certain qualities in which in strenghens many area's of function in ones intelligence, but there perhaps is a couple that at times, it may degrade, maybe only so during the come down... any way, if anyone is interested these are the thoughts that were racing through my mind and I just let off the end of my finger tips into a notepad... this was done very quickly, so I appologize for any difficult sentance structure or spelling/grammar in general...
The world seems as though it's a place, we can live in with, or without disgrace, simply how you project yourself onto and in image of others, do you want to reveal and express or keep your 'true' under covers...
are you ashamed to be inhibitious, or do you express it without care...
do you want to live or do you want to die? it's not a decision that should be judged, because it's a matter of opinion... the worst that can happen, in terms of logical thinking, is nothing... when you die... but how will it effect others? those who care about you? and if you express yourself to your fullest, or even only a little, there will be others that have these strange feelings of care for you that are so complex it is perhaps unexplainable... so a decision or want for death would be unfair to all others... maybe the best is for all life to be terminated simultaneously... I or, no one I know of can think of a logical way to do this, so it seems that the best decision is to be all you are comfortable with in being... to help others when you can, and to express how much you appreciate anything they do for you... whatever it may be.. love when love is wanted, and help when help is needed, as long as you feel you can... sometimes we are retaining in feelings of... love or helpfullness because of some sort of self pride issues... maybe this is best in some cases in order for self protection, as some will take advantage of one so eager to help, or devote themselves, even sometimes subconciously... though if you feel it is just, swallow your pride and expose what you need, or let others know how you feel just to save what might be something very worthwhile to you, even if it puts some aspects of your life at risk.. sometimes it may be worth the risk, and even if you do end up getting hurt in the end, at least you knew you gave it all you could, and can learn from the experience and move on, in your quest, to make life for yourself and others a more positive experience... the human body is such a complex and interesting system... it has the ability to adapt... such as callouses, immune system (white blood cells and such) learning and being able to defeat unwanted lifeforms inside of us, which function is to harm us... humans are remarkable... the way in which our brain and the neurotransmitters that govern it make it function is amazing, serotonin and dopamine can bring great joy to us and are very positive neurotransmitters as is adrenaline and noradrenaline for it's profound effects apon energy, and ability to make our bodies superceed what we thought possible in moments of desperation and struggle... imagine... giving it your 'all out' in the attempt to save a friend... or someone you care about... or running for a seemingly endless time from something that will cause physical and/or mental distress apon you.... escape it... sometimes issues need to be escaped from, that is the problem, it's your mind, and as long as your pursuit in life is to learn, and build apon your knowledge base, then you are making the best decisions you CAN..... sometimes issues need to be faced and dealt with, because if it is something you are doing, then you will face the same problems wherever you run to (realistically, and metaphorically speaking--can be attributed to many scenarious....)
creativity is something very important in my opinion, always try to let your creative side strive forward, expand on it and use it to it's full potential, as I believe creativity plays a large role in what I consider 'intelligence' as does the desire to expand apon your knowledge base....
I think building apon yourself is great, not only in the ways that I have mentioned but making your body able to perform better physically as well as mentally, as it may proove to be considerably useful not only to yourself but to others as well.. in far too many ways than I can even comprehend to conjure within the next few hours, so I hope whomever reads this can understand that....
why do people feel the need to have others in their life? do all people? I'm not sure but if I were to guess I would say yes... in some it may be more supressed for a variety of reasons... but I think everyone seeks others in terms of love, care and having another to express emotions and feelings too... this is why there is friends and this is why there are 'girlfriends/boyfriends/wives/husbands'
we also seem to have sexual desire... not going to go into a lot of detail on this, as I don't desire to at the moment, but if you think of it from 'a far' the only lifeforms that will live on for whatever reasons.... are ones that have desire to have 'sex' which under normal circumstance should cause new life.... because this experience is rewarding for most lifeforms of a certain type, if it were not rewarding, or even painful then a lifeform would not have desire to have 'sex' or even possibly not want to if negative outcomes could occur.. such as pain....
it is odd how there are such drastic differences between the entities we refere to as 'male' and 'female' in our species... but also not as odd as you may think if you take a closer look... there are in general great hormonal difference... such as androgens in males and estrogens in females which have great impacts apon mood and sensitivity to many different things... I myself am not totally positive in all the effects these different hormones play in relations to brain neurotransmitters, but I do know that they do.... from what I currently know a larger ratio of estrogens to androgens will cause one to be more sensitive and a larger amount of androgen to estrogen will cause agressiveness even... all qualities that are nescaserry in the survival and efficiency of our species, we have lived as humans for so long (or so short) depending on any time frame you compare it to... that we have developed such complex intracacies in our society... that females are expected to do this... and that... be more emotional and sensitive as dictated by hormonal... but also societal standards..... but also... more so by societal standards this is frowned apon... by the androgenically inclined population (males) they at some points don't wish for all the sensitivity or emotion... that is sometimes refered to as 'bitchyness'in certain situations.... this is all actually far too complex for me to go into great detail about, as I have not learned nearly what I need to know to begin comprehending... and I don't think in my 'lifetime' I will be able to come close to understanding almost anything about humans.... it's far too complex to me as an individual....
androgens, specifically testosterone is a dominant hormone in males... it is something that is perhaps nescaserry for protection of ourselves and those we care about, so it is very important... it's effects apon protein synthesis even... the amino acids injested, or delivered to our bloodstreams in whatever method... are formed into proteins or neurotransmitters in our body, nutrients to nearly any process in ourselves... synthesized proteins to muscle tissue, allow our muscles to adapt to stresses... and become stronger, consequently bigger in many cases, is this why sometimes more muscular men are considered 'sexy''to our female counterparts? because of the primal original desire for ourselves to survive and live in most cases... since the females lack an easier ability to gain strength they have a desire for a male counterpart with strength? females can gain strength as well of course, but biologically it is more difficult... perhaps a strong willed one can be stronger than many males... if their desire is strong enough... many men see a slender, healthy and intelligent female as 'sexy' because perhaps this is the most likely to survive and expand.. and be able to produce a higher quality offspring.. it all comes back to the original desire for our species to advance and succeed and live... which is common among most in our species, although some not.. some are suicidal.. many other scenarios... I do not know even close to all of them, but it appears as though they are abnormal.. perhaps these issues are becoming larger these days.. for what reasons? I can't be sure and don't wish to get into great detail about this at this time... but some think these types should not be allowed for the advancement of our species? but what if we advance and are able to figure out how to 'correct' these problems... as some have with drugs or 'supplements' there is some debate between the two... some perhaps are not even positive and can create much more dispair among many... perhaps some manufacturers of drugs do not 'care' if they work to solve or help a problem... but their motive in manufacture is geared in the essence of 'greed' for 'self improvement purposes' and not to the better well being of our entire species.. maybe this is a disfunctional trait in our entity as well, though many seem to have greed in one way or another.. stronger in some.. and perhaps dictated largely by our introductions to many things, and how and in what way we 'learn'...
much of what I type may not be understood by some, as it is far too complex and I'd have to get into such greated detail, with examples and explaination to relate to some, or some may be able to interperate exactly what I mean, or in other ways that still does make sense and even touch apon other.. very 'real' and relative issues...
in some ways I think why have we made life such a 'difficult process' is it made that way in stone? or do we have the power to alter it easily?
there seem to be so many socialties that make so many things we do 'difficult' to give a very basic example saying 'please' or 'thank you' these are considered polite... but are they meant with such emotion and desire to be in that context every time they are used? no they aren't I think the desire to express appreciation is much better dictated by actual action, and tone of voice... (which is unexplainable to me currently) but we just know when someone sincerily means something... more so by action.. but often tone of voice... though this can be faked by method of acting... some are very decisive, deceptive in this way... which can be admired in a way by anyone... but it can also cause great dispair apon many, which I believe to not be justifiable in the end... but that's just my crazy thought, which doesn't nescaserry hold any truth in what may be what... we as humans can do so many things... and to think we must have these abilities for some reason or another... but whether we use them in an end cause of 'positive' or 'negative' determines so many things...
it's all far far far to complex for me to explain and I don't even know why I started typing all this, as it's probably futile, but if any others read this and it effects them, or makes them realize anything about ourselves... and helps them to decide to make their or others lives 'better' in one way or another perhaps it was a positive effort... I fear that I am spending so much time that tommorow at work I will be too tired to perform the tasks I am expected and wanted to do correctly... so hopefully I have done something worthwhile here... good night.... be true.. express yourself... help when wanted/needed(weird differentiations made by many)...... I hope this has some positive effect..... I or other(s) love you... care for you... remember you are cared about , try to care for others... THE END... for now... HEH...
The world seems as though it's a place, we can live in with, or without disgrace, simply how you project yourself onto and in image of others, do you want to reveal and express or keep your 'true' under covers...
are you ashamed to be inhibitious, or do you express it without care...
do you want to live or do you want to die? it's not a decision that should be judged, because it's a matter of opinion... the worst that can happen, in terms of logical thinking, is nothing... when you die... but how will it effect others? those who care about you? and if you express yourself to your fullest, or even only a little, there will be others that have these strange feelings of care for you that are so complex it is perhaps unexplainable... so a decision or want for death would be unfair to all others... maybe the best is for all life to be terminated simultaneously... I or, no one I know of can think of a logical way to do this, so it seems that the best decision is to be all you are comfortable with in being... to help others when you can, and to express how much you appreciate anything they do for you... whatever it may be.. love when love is wanted, and help when help is needed, as long as you feel you can... sometimes we are retaining in feelings of... love or helpfullness because of some sort of self pride issues... maybe this is best in some cases in order for self protection, as some will take advantage of one so eager to help, or devote themselves, even sometimes subconciously... though if you feel it is just, swallow your pride and expose what you need, or let others know how you feel just to save what might be something very worthwhile to you, even if it puts some aspects of your life at risk.. sometimes it may be worth the risk, and even if you do end up getting hurt in the end, at least you knew you gave it all you could, and can learn from the experience and move on, in your quest, to make life for yourself and others a more positive experience... the human body is such a complex and interesting system... it has the ability to adapt... such as callouses, immune system (white blood cells and such) learning and being able to defeat unwanted lifeforms inside of us, which function is to harm us... humans are remarkable... the way in which our brain and the neurotransmitters that govern it make it function is amazing, serotonin and dopamine can bring great joy to us and are very positive neurotransmitters as is adrenaline and noradrenaline for it's profound effects apon energy, and ability to make our bodies superceed what we thought possible in moments of desperation and struggle... imagine... giving it your 'all out' in the attempt to save a friend... or someone you care about... or running for a seemingly endless time from something that will cause physical and/or mental distress apon you.... escape it... sometimes issues need to be escaped from, that is the problem, it's your mind, and as long as your pursuit in life is to learn, and build apon your knowledge base, then you are making the best decisions you CAN..... sometimes issues need to be faced and dealt with, because if it is something you are doing, then you will face the same problems wherever you run to (realistically, and metaphorically speaking--can be attributed to many scenarious....)
creativity is something very important in my opinion, always try to let your creative side strive forward, expand on it and use it to it's full potential, as I believe creativity plays a large role in what I consider 'intelligence' as does the desire to expand apon your knowledge base....
I think building apon yourself is great, not only in the ways that I have mentioned but making your body able to perform better physically as well as mentally, as it may proove to be considerably useful not only to yourself but to others as well.. in far too many ways than I can even comprehend to conjure within the next few hours, so I hope whomever reads this can understand that....
why do people feel the need to have others in their life? do all people? I'm not sure but if I were to guess I would say yes... in some it may be more supressed for a variety of reasons... but I think everyone seeks others in terms of love, care and having another to express emotions and feelings too... this is why there is friends and this is why there are 'girlfriends/boyfriends/wives/husbands'
we also seem to have sexual desire... not going to go into a lot of detail on this, as I don't desire to at the moment, but if you think of it from 'a far' the only lifeforms that will live on for whatever reasons.... are ones that have desire to have 'sex' which under normal circumstance should cause new life.... because this experience is rewarding for most lifeforms of a certain type, if it were not rewarding, or even painful then a lifeform would not have desire to have 'sex' or even possibly not want to if negative outcomes could occur.. such as pain....
it is odd how there are such drastic differences between the entities we refere to as 'male' and 'female' in our species... but also not as odd as you may think if you take a closer look... there are in general great hormonal difference... such as androgens in males and estrogens in females which have great impacts apon mood and sensitivity to many different things... I myself am not totally positive in all the effects these different hormones play in relations to brain neurotransmitters, but I do know that they do.... from what I currently know a larger ratio of estrogens to androgens will cause one to be more sensitive and a larger amount of androgen to estrogen will cause agressiveness even... all qualities that are nescaserry in the survival and efficiency of our species, we have lived as humans for so long (or so short) depending on any time frame you compare it to... that we have developed such complex intracacies in our society... that females are expected to do this... and that... be more emotional and sensitive as dictated by hormonal... but also societal standards..... but also... more so by societal standards this is frowned apon... by the androgenically inclined population (males) they at some points don't wish for all the sensitivity or emotion... that is sometimes refered to as 'bitchyness'in certain situations.... this is all actually far too complex for me to go into great detail about, as I have not learned nearly what I need to know to begin comprehending... and I don't think in my 'lifetime' I will be able to come close to understanding almost anything about humans.... it's far too complex to me as an individual....
androgens, specifically testosterone is a dominant hormone in males... it is something that is perhaps nescaserry for protection of ourselves and those we care about, so it is very important... it's effects apon protein synthesis even... the amino acids injested, or delivered to our bloodstreams in whatever method... are formed into proteins or neurotransmitters in our body, nutrients to nearly any process in ourselves... synthesized proteins to muscle tissue, allow our muscles to adapt to stresses... and become stronger, consequently bigger in many cases, is this why sometimes more muscular men are considered 'sexy''to our female counterparts? because of the primal original desire for ourselves to survive and live in most cases... since the females lack an easier ability to gain strength they have a desire for a male counterpart with strength? females can gain strength as well of course, but biologically it is more difficult... perhaps a strong willed one can be stronger than many males... if their desire is strong enough... many men see a slender, healthy and intelligent female as 'sexy' because perhaps this is the most likely to survive and expand.. and be able to produce a higher quality offspring.. it all comes back to the original desire for our species to advance and succeed and live... which is common among most in our species, although some not.. some are suicidal.. many other scenarios... I do not know even close to all of them, but it appears as though they are abnormal.. perhaps these issues are becoming larger these days.. for what reasons? I can't be sure and don't wish to get into great detail about this at this time... but some think these types should not be allowed for the advancement of our species? but what if we advance and are able to figure out how to 'correct' these problems... as some have with drugs or 'supplements' there is some debate between the two... some perhaps are not even positive and can create much more dispair among many... perhaps some manufacturers of drugs do not 'care' if they work to solve or help a problem... but their motive in manufacture is geared in the essence of 'greed' for 'self improvement purposes' and not to the better well being of our entire species.. maybe this is a disfunctional trait in our entity as well, though many seem to have greed in one way or another.. stronger in some.. and perhaps dictated largely by our introductions to many things, and how and in what way we 'learn'...
much of what I type may not be understood by some, as it is far too complex and I'd have to get into such greated detail, with examples and explaination to relate to some, or some may be able to interperate exactly what I mean, or in other ways that still does make sense and even touch apon other.. very 'real' and relative issues...
in some ways I think why have we made life such a 'difficult process' is it made that way in stone? or do we have the power to alter it easily?
there seem to be so many socialties that make so many things we do 'difficult' to give a very basic example saying 'please' or 'thank you' these are considered polite... but are they meant with such emotion and desire to be in that context every time they are used? no they aren't I think the desire to express appreciation is much better dictated by actual action, and tone of voice... (which is unexplainable to me currently) but we just know when someone sincerily means something... more so by action.. but often tone of voice... though this can be faked by method of acting... some are very decisive, deceptive in this way... which can be admired in a way by anyone... but it can also cause great dispair apon many, which I believe to not be justifiable in the end... but that's just my crazy thought, which doesn't nescaserry hold any truth in what may be what... we as humans can do so many things... and to think we must have these abilities for some reason or another... but whether we use them in an end cause of 'positive' or 'negative' determines so many things...
it's all far far far to complex for me to explain and I don't even know why I started typing all this, as it's probably futile, but if any others read this and it effects them, or makes them realize anything about ourselves... and helps them to decide to make their or others lives 'better' in one way or another perhaps it was a positive effort... I fear that I am spending so much time that tommorow at work I will be too tired to perform the tasks I am expected and wanted to do correctly... so hopefully I have done something worthwhile here... good night.... be true.. express yourself... help when wanted/needed(weird differentiations made by many)...... I hope this has some positive effect..... I or other(s) love you... care for you... remember you are cared about , try to care for others... THE END... for now... HEH...