View Full Version : Getting a relationship back???
Okay, this might be a little long...So I'm apologizing ahead of time.
Susan, she's my best friend. We started off friends in high school. Then senior year (at the end), we started dating. We were together for 2 years until we got married.
Seriously, the love of my life, my best friend, can't imagine my life without her.
In August, I madea huge mistake. I told her I was using Cocaine. I wanted to be honest with her. And I wasn't usingit A LOT, just key shots everyday. Then that's when she broke up with me.
3 months later, I'm still depressed about it. She's "moved" on. Rebound type of shit. I know her too well for this. All of our CLOSE friends, see us being together eventually....
BUT, it's driving me crazy. I can't seem to sleep, eat, can't focus. We haven't talked in 3 months or have seen each other. The sad thing is that, I lost my best friend. I come home from work or whatever, and just want to call her and tell her little things or whatever. I miss her.
I want to call her, but she feels so betrayed and tells me that "We will never be a couple again." That's a lie. What do I do? I'm getting clean. And I realized that she's the one for me.
I need help. What do I do???? Give her space????
Pinkavvy
21-11-2004, 05:44
give her some space. lose you dependency ... on coke and her. it's not healthy. perhaps if it was to work out, when you're clean, and not dependant on her, she will see that and come back .... and perhaps not.
Well, the thing is that I have faith in it...And I do have to say, I did depend on her when I was into the whole drug scene. And I know, I should be more independant when it comes to that. BUT, when you say space...How much? How long? Cuz, we haven't had contact in months.
Tell her that you're not a junkie, that you can stop anytime. Show her you can stop for a month, and maybe she will understand. Try to explain her why you take drugs and why you're really sad to lose her.
I told her a month after we broke up...BUT, she was still pissed off...so to push my buttons, se started seeing her ex (who is a total dick) a week after we broke up...Since, then we haven't talked...I've been avoiding her...but, one day I accidently sat on my cell phone and dialed her number. Out of all the numbers, her's was dialed. I swear, that's fate. Maybe it's just me. It haven't done it, so I think I'm improving. I guess.
Maxamillion
01-12-2004, 09:04
Relationships can be hard, man. It would be healthy to get involved in thethings that make you happy- whatever it is (music,sports,etc)-time has its funny way of "healing" (either things work out between you two or you move on). Don't let this consume you.....I was in a very tough situation about a year ago, and I reacted very unhealthly to this....now I have learned from my mistakes,and I think I'm Dr. Phil. If you are feeling "very fucking bad"....seek out some professional help (nothing wrong with that either).......I would advise not to getyourself into a drug binge at the moment--this will cloud your mind and have you acting nutty...just slow your roll for a minute and take inventory on your life. Good Luck......
Oh, don't worry...I have been seeking professional help....I don't dwell on it as much as I did before....But, there are times when I'm just thinking and thinking (man, I hate thinking sometimes) that I just get all depressed about it....
BUT, I know we'll end up together. If you were my family or best friends, you would know too. People break up....And during this breakup, I'm finding myself (I know, everyone says that)...And I'm growing as a person. So, God, faith, destiny will help us. Well, that's just me. And my relationship.
Hey, Maxamillion.. If you don't mind me asking, what happened in your situation? You don't have to answer that, if you don't want to.
you told her you were using coke and she just left you? if you were the love of your life like she was for you, she would have talked to you and would have tried to help and understand you, not leave you
WhiteRyan
03-12-2004, 00:09
CABS205 I feel for you man, ive experienced it alot. But it involved herb. If she said you guys wont be a couple again and you havent talked in a month or two, then buddy its time to move on. Its hard but you gotta face the facts straight in the face that she see's you as a junkie, and nothing will change it. The way it sounded how she broke up with you she was already looking for a reason to get out of the relationship. Also that she got back with her ex and their doing god knows what. You just gotta say fuck her and move on, cuz thats what she did. Arent you pissed at all that your woman is with her ex. I wouldnt fuck with it anymore, your just gonna keep spirling down or as I call it alcoholism. Then followed up by fucking as many girls as you can. You need to move on, take time, get steady with a new one.
And figure out if shes cool with it. heh personally ive never dated a girl that has done drugs yet ive done drugs since I was a little shit disturber. Life can blow sometimes ya know.
sorry if this post pisses you off at all but I mean it in a good uplifting way.
OneDiaDem
03-12-2004, 00:47
If she left, and started seeing someone else right away, the relationship had more problems than you realize. If it was a wakeup call for you, she would not have ran into another mans arms right away, if even at all. The Coke isnt that serious, if she had no clue until you told her. Her actions say to me she was looking for an excuse to get away.
I could be wrong, but I wouldnt count on getting back together.</font>
Well, you all would have to understand our relationship...Which is fairly complicated. She "told" me up front, "If you cheat on me or do any drugs. It's over." Honestly, I don't remember her telling me about the drug part.
In high school, I was just smoking weed and she was just so upset with it....that I quit for her. Then, weed wasn't cutting it anymore...so coke...then, I told her. She doesn't have the best history with people doing drugs (her family, friends...so I guess, that's where she's coming from). She felt betrayed. I understand that.
She went back to her ex, or is hanging out with him because she knows what's getting to me. I'm pissed off. BUT, I'm learning to be forgiving about it.
Our relationship was actually very good. The only reason, she broke up with me is because of the drugs. She HATES drugs. You don't understand, SHE HATES IT! And I didn't listen. Ugh. I'm stupid.
Well, this time is growing time for me. I'm still young. And no matter what people say,we'll eventually be together.. I know, everyone must be thinking "Get over it." but, you really have to know us, to understand this relationship. IF you really knew what we've been through or how great the relationship was, and you were telling me "It's over." I'd listen, but it's not over.
I think you know deep down you know what's going on- and are very scared to lose her.
In the long run, it's gonna be up to her, if she stays with him, or returns to you.
You could have a beautiful flower arrangement sent, and write "Friends?" on the card with a smiley face.. You could get a beautiful ring or diamond earrings for her, gift wrap it at the store and send it to her house. (Note: If in this much trouble, never hand deliver flowers, have them delivered- it shows class.) Pretty jewlery is a great apology gift, again sent or delivered. But don't do this cheaply. I'd say 200.00 minimum on the earrings or ring, or three dozen roses,or both. A gift lets her know that you're sorry.
OneDiaDem
04-12-2004, 08:50
Well, good luck to you. I hope it does work out, it seems to be something you care a great deal about, and I wish you all the best. I would save the forgive me presents until she is back at home tho. No sense in throwing away good money after a bad situation. If she was that offended by drugs, with you having knowledge of this, why would you risk losing her to begin with?
I myself would never yeild to another in such a fashion. At least I dont believe I would, and I would never ask anyone else to either. I wont be blackmailed by love. But then again, I have never tried to hide who I am, or what I do. If people cannot accept me for all I am, then who needs it? Life is just too short, and peace rules. When you are true to yourself, you are capable of being true to others........and all that jazz, lol.
Good luck my friend.</font>
I was trying to help- if she's done with you, a gift won't help, but if there's still a chance- it might get you in the door. "Oh, how sweet!"
Myself I have never received such an elaborate make-up gift...
Dia's right.
That girl was apparently looking for an excuse to
trash the relationship.
I strongly urge you to consider the following:
1.) Shitcan the girl. She's probably cheated you and
is exploiting the situation to make it seem like YOU
are the guilty party.
Put this relationship past you.
2.) Don't go back to coke.
If you've been doing good then keep it up, but don't
blow it and risk hurting yourself and pissing away
your money.
3.) Save your money.
The cash you would spend to buy her gifts or
otherwise woo her back could be better spent on
finding yourself a good hooker; a much better bargin
without all the grief.
That's it, in a nutshell.
P!MPJU!C3
04-12-2004, 21:30
But how can it be that she hates drugs more than she loves u? Isnt that the base? Isnt that wrong? I know how u feel. U think none know or understand. But in fact everyone goes through the same and doesnt think anyone else understands. All realtionships r complicated, if their not, it cant be serious.
I know this sounds horrible but u really might wanna look out 4 someone else. Their r lots of beautiful girls round.
I know u think none can compare 2 her. Ur wrong. Their is no such thing as the one. Should their be a one she wouldnt brake up with u over a coke problem.
yea man,i have the same thing.My boy was going out with this girl for 3
years and she had a friend,so u know everything was ok,like me and her
were just friends.Then i started to like her and we went out then we
broke up and I started to do drugs again,so she told me : "If you want
me back stop doing drugs".
I love this girl and i dont know what to do,I mean I cant quit. =/
Maxamillion
06-12-2004, 21:23
You, DRiPz, might have to make a decision girl or drugs......In that situation I hide drugs for awhile...but eventually she asked "Why are your eyes rolling around in your head"......if it's a hard decision then you might want to find an understanding girl.....but sometimes a straight girl can balance out productivity and drugs....but she will probably blow all the money you save from not doing drugs on pointless shit........Listen to woodmanhttp://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley4.gif
OneDiaDem
06-12-2004, 22:48
What would be the point of going out with her if your still using after she has said, no drugs? All that is going to do is hurt the two in the long run. If you want to do drugs, find someone compatible, who enjoys it as much as you. Dont waste peoples time, or their hearts. This too is another reason drugs have a bad rep.</font>
Yeah, totally...I know that it's up to her in the long run. Space is actually good for us. And plus I've been clean for a while...Well, on the coke...Even though, I still havelots in my stash...What do I do with it??? I don't want to give it away and I don't want to throw it...
Well, right now we don't talk to each other. Even though she knows I'm taking care of her things right now (long story)....Well, I did buy her this present a while back, I'm thinking about just sending to her for Christmas. BUT, I don't if she'll be pissed off her anything.
Well, I know what I can do...She told me I'm allowed to smoke weed, shrooms, and I can drink....BUT, as long as I keep off the hard shit it will be alright...
I'd tell her to piss off for a while, and that your coke problem is something unrelated to her, you are dealing with it, and for that you should be proud of yourself, to quit for your own good, and not the limitations she's set. I feel like people who haven't been addicted to or even enjoyed coke occasionally, just don't get it, and therefore judge, when they have no idea. I always thought I was the person who could try anything, and never feel the need for it after. I could smoke for 2 weeks and then just stop without it bothering me at all, don't really care to drink, I like a painkiller once in a while but don't feel compelled to use them all the time. Then I naively thought I would react the same way to coke, and I was fiend after my first rail. It consumes me all the time, I think about why I want it so bad, why does it have this crazy grip on me, and so I just stay away from it to avoid being in that personal hell of knowing coke is controlling me. It's hard, and sometimes I just want to give in to it, but I remind myself of the awful guilt and self-loathing feeling that comes with a crash. Keeps me motivated, and then I feel confident and strong a little more all the time. But get off that train for yourself, and not because of someone else's demands on you.
...Well, I did buy her this present
a while back, I'm thinking about just sending to her
for Christmas.**
I hope you saved the reciept. Maybe you can still get
a refund.
If not, then you're probably better off giving it to
someone else, T'is the season you know.
BUT, I don't if she'll be pissed off
her anything.
Geez!
If she's THAT tempermental why the hell would you
want anything to do with her?
... and did you find yourself a hooker, yet?
Yeah, I know...It's annoying...The only drug she even tried was weed and she claimed she didn't inhale. LOL! Whatever...She's just judgemental about things that I do....I didn't think coke was a bad thing, until she started lecturing me. Oh, well.
No, I got the present off the net. A while ago! Damnit! Oh, well. I'll save it and wait till we're friends again. If that will ever happen. I'm still pissed off with her!
LOL! Nope, didn't get a hooker yet. I've seen the hookers from where I'm from and ugh...Gross....
PleasuresGuilt
16-01-2005, 06:33
hmmm... sry to hear about that man... i knwo how ya feel but i was fortunate enough to get a second chance... maybe if you hold out you will two. but dont wait to long... that aint healthy...
I think you should try to accept that you two may never be togeather as a couple and move on with your personal life. That way if you don't get togeather then you will have accepted that, but if you do get togeather then it will be a wounderful suprise.
Stingray_313
06-02-2005, 18:29
I hate to play the dick in a situation like this, but if she reacted
like that, then maybe she ISNT the one for you. Honestly, she sounds
like one of those women who doesnt look ouside the lines. (no pun
intended).
I know a LOT of my friends who have girlfriends and if they found out
that their boyfriends were big potheads, they would leave them in an
instant. These are not good relationships. The best relationships are
ones where you dont need to hide anything, and everything is in the
open... and if that causes a problem, then it wasnt a good relationship
in the start.
Just to clear things up, its a real tradegy your love left you, but hey
man, maybe it was for the better. Just live for the day and try to
clear your mind of her, there are always other girls.
ive ralized that the ones you care about the most are the ones hurt
most from your addiction. she has the right to be mad and you have to
accept that all you can do is show her your progress and slowly build
the trust and relationship that you once had. it takes a lot of time
and effort and you will go through a lot of heart ache but if she is
the one for you then in the long run things should work out. if not
then at least you have progressed as a person and you will be able to
take all your experiences and your new imporved self and share this
with someone who will give you back as much as you give them
4ever4gotten
07-02-2005, 01:45
Not sure if you're still checking up on this, I was just reading through it, since I'm new, thought i'd throw down something that happened to me. I was dating someone who did a lot of different drugs when we first met. He drank A LOT, acid, shrooms, E, occasionally when his friends were particularly rambunctious, they'd play with coke. He didn't try to hide it from me, but he would go on and on about stories of stupidity and past activities they'd get into. Eventually, almost a year into the relationship, I was ready to give up on him, I would try to do things that kept us out of that scene, where he seemed more afraid to lose the friends he had that were into drugs and kept trying to keep everyone happy.He finally got the point that I was gone if he didn't try to change, and somehow he did. Heslowly cut himself away from that scene andgot into different activities that were much better choices. He's the only person that ever gave me one of the best compliments ever. He thanked me one day, three years into the relationship for no reason it seemed, when I asked why,he only replied with, "You got me off drugs." Meant more to me than anything else has, we went out for 6 years untilwe mutually decided we'd become friends.The best thing for him though, was he got to keep all his old friends, they understood what he wanted to do with his life and respected that.
The only things I can think to tell you are, if she means that much to you, just drop the drugs, you'll live. Give her some credit for it, not too much though, then you give us crazy females total control http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley2.gif, we'll start dressing you like a Ken doll and teaching you big words for dinner parties, haha But the fact that you recognize and are trying is a very big difference, she should have been much more willing to see a problem and help you, not hurt you.
So if you are still checking up on this, credit to you, you're doing what you can to change for the better! Hope you're doing well and are smilin more often than not!http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley4.gif
paulywould
10-02-2005, 15:17
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<TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNABLE="off">Staying clean sould be the most important thing to you if you want to get her back. Try to stay clean for yourself. After you've accoplished this for a while you'll start to feel good and you won't pine over her as much. Then it won't matter if she comes back to you because you'll be strong enought o move on.</TD></TR>
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We'll actually I do still read this:) Um, I'm doing a whole lot better. Last week, I decided to take a risk. I called her and I asked her if we could be friends. Since she asked me that two months ago and I never emailed her back since I was still hurt. I actually thought it was very mature of me to do that. Since I love her so much, but she was pissed off that I called. And the reason.....her cousin works with me and hates my guts. So her cousin is making up shit about me and reporting back to her my ex. It's more drama I have to deal with. Since I've been doing so well....I have no clue, what to do about her cousin....Any suggestions???
Stingray_313
13-02-2005, 20:18
Kick her cousin's fucking ass.
No, but seriously, just be like "Im sure we can both be mature adults
and let this whole situation go, and if you arent mature enough, then
you keep telling your little lies.". It seems that this cousin just
enjoys watching your ex be pissed at you, and would do anything to see
her mad at you.
If you really are through with her, and want her out of your life, then
just ignore all the little things her cousin says about you. Their
talking cant hurt you unless you let it.
4ever4gotten
14-02-2005, 18:33
That's pretty petty of her cousin. I wouldn't try and start a big confrontation, but just ask them why they deem it necessary to create more of a scene than its worth. If the cousin keeps up playing that sad little game, STILL, THIS LONG after the fact, then you really should be questioning more how mature both she and the cousin are about the situation. This sounds more like you're back in grade school trying to protect a reputation that one "cool kid" is trying to tarnish. And as is the usual basis of those silly school rumors, everyone wants to believe what the one kid is saying about anything.
And if its been so long, you might want to rethink exactly how you still feel about her. She's letting her cousin play games with your reputation, and letting herself believe them. You've gone so long and done so well, it doesn't hurt to smile at another girl, or wish them a good day. You never know. They may smile back. Or tell you its a wonderful day! http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley4.gif
paulywould
15-02-2005, 03:54
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<TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNABLE="off">Hey Cabs, is it really worth your time? Her cousin hates you and she is your EX-girlfreind. You're starting a few points behind in the game. I know it sucks to hear this, but most likely you'll be better off and find a better person who is actually intersted in you without all the BS if you look for someone new. Good luck either way!</TD></TR>
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first of all fuck her cousin....man i know what you fell, i lost the love of my life from heroin and opiate addiction. We were together for 2 years until she found i was stealing to support my addiction and i got slammed with ten possible felonies. She stayed with me awhile but it was never the same after she found out some things i had been keeping from her. She is gone now and its been 6 months. not a day goes by where i dont think about her and what i have lost. She is now seeing some marine who is in iraq right now and we never talk at all. She used to be the biggest thing in my life and now she nothing, and its horrible. I miss her so much and wish things were differet.
My advice to you is try and stay clean, thats the only way she will come back, if she is going to. Give her some time and space to think about things and ultimatley it is up to her to take you back man. I fucked up my relationship and the best thing i had in my life for a drug that lasted me an hour.
"the art of love is largely to the art of persistence"