View Full Version : The Monkey and the Train- writings on overcoming addiction
hollywood
05-10-2003, 05:03
My friend the Monkey.......He was always strong. He protected me from harms way. He made my heart stone cold and strong as steel. He picked me up when I fell down. He gave me confidence. He was always with me. He rode beside me on the freight train. The train would carry us where ever we wanted to go. We would lie in bed at night and hear the train coming. We would run to the train like a hobo in the night. The monkey and I must now part ways. I must now walk instead of riding. I must pick myself up without the help from my friend the monkey. He sits on my back waiting for me to ask for his help. He talks to me constantly. He plays all of our favorite songs and flashes all of the fun people and places we use to visit in front of my tired and weak body. As the days go by, the monkey is starving. He is very hungry. I can see his ribs.The Monkey bites and scratches me every day and night for nourishment. My friend, the Train, has passed me up and is now going the other way. I can still hear his whistle and feel the violent rumble of his tracks. I know that after the monkey has fallen off my back from starvation, he will always follow me from the shadows. I know he will disquise himself in many forms and fashions. He will always be there. I must now carry a stick to keep him away. I know he will always have us two first class tickets to ride the massive freight train. But now I must go, into the scary and unknown darkness of life, alone and frightened, without the help from my friends The Monkey and the Train
hollywood
05-10-2003, 05:13
I gotup one morning after about three days of detox and wrote this. It just poured out of me. That was in 1994. Anyone whom has everbeen a slave to Herion should be able to understand what this means. I guess it could apply to any kind of addiction......................................... .....................................
Thats really good. I take it the monkey is the addiction and the train is the rush.
I've used H for many years and that is so true. It's also very sad. I have to go feed my monkey now.
have you written anything else?
thats heavy. are you still clean?
Anarchist
07-10-2003, 03:02
I do understand, can see what you mean. (althrough I guess my addiction to H didn't lasted as long as yours and might not have been as heavy).
Lets all keep up.
Anarchist
thats a kool story man that junk is the hardest thing in the world to kick. i been trying to beet it for years. the monkey an the train. aint that a bitch
First off thanks Alfa for bumping this topic.
hollywood I don't even do H and that story really touched me. Addiction will always be an arms length away even after you have quit for many years!
windysan
14-06-2005, 19:59
That's good shit !!! I hope you are still clean today. The monkey's a real bastard.
I don't write normally - well, I do it as a job, so I don't tend to
bother in my free time - but every now and then I have the odd urge. .
. and, strangely, I've written some of my best stuff about 5 days into
a heroin detox.
I guess maybe it's the same with any drug that numbs you - when you
detox, all the emotions that you've missed while you've been using -
some small part of each emotion has been saved up, and when you come
off, they all just deluge. . . I've found it quite overpowering, but
it's great when I've been able to express it through writing.
I, too, hope you're still clean - best wishes!
Thats great man. Normally I dont like poems/stories like this but it was really well written. Like someone else said, Ive never done Heroin but I can totally relate it to other drugs. Good job man.
sands of time
15-06-2005, 04:01
Man that spoke to my heart like no person could do. I know what you mean, its hard to go day to day without some kind of relief. You always remember the good times you had with your drug, but its so easy to forget that most of the relationship sucks. You love that first feeling of the great high but after awhile it just becomes a nagging hunger that wants to be fed. Stay clean man cause its no way to live bein hooked.
Amazing..
I think this should be stickied for everyone to see.
hippie_lain
19-06-2005, 01:52
Yeah its amazing what the path of drugs leads too. Its so hard to give it up when its been there to help you for so long. stay clean and dont let it get you down hollywood.
metalslug0
03-07-2005, 15:13
That was very touching. (My eyes actually kinda watered up. yeah i guess im a pussey.) STAY STRONG!
paulywould
06-07-2005, 04:23
If you're not running away fro the monkey, you're running towards it. Keep away from the train.
Paulywould
i am in my 5th or 6th week of clean from a 2 1/2 year oxy habbit. I mean a real nasty habbit 160mg to get any high at all. I could do a balloon and not feel shit...by the way it was all IV.
Its sad but the monky is punching me in the back of the head and the bastard wont stop. Luckily i have the will power and the people around me to help me stay away and stay off the train.
To all who are in the process or thinking of quiting/detox...DO IT best choice you can make our you will always chase the dragon and listen to the monkey on your back. It sucks but think about it...
Every day you wake up after quiting your day/life gets better, everyone elses stays the same!http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif
VincentVan
22-07-2005, 00:16
I always thought that I did´nt love myself enough tosay goodbye tomy faithful demons. Maybe no reason seemed worth the effort and the pain. Then in the new eyes of my baby daughter I found a reasonI was not sure existed.I clearly saw why it was worth to try again. I had a few false starts but now I did it. One month off the stuff and I feel great. A bit unsure at times but still on the right path.
To everyone who is going to pick this unfair fight I wish all the best luck from the deepest of my heart. Whoever is going, orhas gone through it, is a kindred soul. Listen:there is a way out. I know. I have seen it.
" If you want a crown you must go hunt for it yourself" - R. Kipling "The man who would be King"
NeedleInTheHay
06-09-2005, 23:30
SWIM tried H about ten years ago, snorted half a bag. He enjoyed
the hell out of it, but didn't actively seek it afterward and none was
offered to him for about six months after. Then one of SWIM's good
friends started doing it regularly. SWIM would party with this friend
on the weekends and do a bit of H here and there. Then SWIM started
using it on the ocaasional weekday too. Pretty soon SWIM was
snorting at least a bag every day and it was really draining SWIM's
bank account. So, being the intelligent, thoughtful man SWIM was;
he decided that (in the interest of saving money) he would try shooting
his H instead of snorting it. His friends had told him he could
use a LOT less and get FAR higher. One day, SWIM asked his friend
(whose right arm appeared to have been mauled by a runaway cheese
grater) to show him how to do it. He did, and the rest is
history. It was three long years of a 2-3 bag/day daily habit
until SWIM tried to get clean for the first time. He went through
the hell that is a locked ward medical detox and stayed clean for about
4 hours after leaving.A couple weeks later he OD'd on some 96% pure
shit (the best EVER) and was dead "officially" for nearly 2 minutes
(officially=once the ambulance got there). He has been to 5 other
medical detoxs and
done it himself twice as many times. He once stayed stone sober
for 4 months, until one day he thought, "I can do one little
bag....hell, it's a special occasion". You can guess how that
turned out. I won't even get into the amount of pain and suffering SWIM
caused everyone around him, especially those who truly cared about him
once. Now, even though SWIM is finally "H-free", he still
battles a costant desire for opiates. Some days, the monkey
wins. That damned animal is very cunning. It showed SWIM
all the other wonderful substitues to H that never quite get him
"there" but work well enough to get him through. At least now SWIM has
trained his pet monkey, and has control over it. As long as he
feeds it a tiny bit every now and then, it won't attack him. SWIM
has been living with this tense "monkey-truce" for many years, but he
is always very suspicious of his pet. The monkey seems sometimes
to be plotting against SWIM, biding his time until that moment when
SWIM is at his weakest.........
Just don't let that shit get its meat hooks into you and you will be
able to enjoy the most amazing feeling i've ever known. Don't end
up like my friend SWIM there. There isn't much fun in his life
anymore, he is constantly slapping his own hand away from the cookie
jar. Just watch yourself and be f-ing careful.
Edited by: NeedleInTheHay
Nadia Snow
17-09-2005, 22:50
"driving that train, high on cocaine
casey jones you better watch your speed
trouble ahead, trouble behind
and you know that notion just crossed my mind
this old engine makes it on time
leaves Central station about a quarter to 9
Hits river junction at seventeen to,
At a quarter to ten you know it’s travlin’ again.
Driving that train, high on cocaine,
Casey jones you better, watch your speed.
Trouble ahead, trouble behind,
And you know that notion just crossed my mind.
Trouble ahead, lady in red,
Take my advice you’d be better off dead.
Switchman’s sleeping, train hundred and two is
On the wrong track and headed for you.
Driving that train, high on cocaine,
Casey jones is ready, watch your speed.
Trouble ahead, trouble behind,
And you know that notion just crossed my mind.
Trouble with you is the trouble with me,
Got two good eyes butWE still don’t see.
Come round the bend, you know it’s the end,
The fireman screams and the engine just gleams...
Edited by: Nadia Snow
man i really like what you wrote and i have been struggling with opiate addiction now and i understand completely how you feel...im currently on the naltrexone implant and that has been a godsend. best advice to anyone who wants try oxy's or heroin/IV use...STAY AWAY, only going to make your life worse.
"Every day you wake up after quiting your day/life gets better, everyone elses stays the same!"
so true cfurr44
It all started with pot for me. *ssssmoke weeeddd*
But somehow i got to the point of taking one acid tab, then 2 more 5-7 hours later. Somehow, i end up doing some coke lines aswell, The most intese feeling my nerveous system has ever experieced. The hallucinations stoped, the rushed kicked in, and the numbness crept in **BuZZZ **. But i was not tired, i was not asleep, my brain and all of its componets experienced a yolt never dreamed off.Never been the same after that.I had to escape, I left the damn country to clean up my shit. I managed about three weeks of total soberness.But eventually themonkey kicked in. Ileft toredem myself from a fucked up coke/fiend addiction and"friends" to end uptrying a bit of that good all chicken feed meth. and not to mention that wonderful xanax.Total speed, working to the edge, to smooth the nerves with a couple of bars. I came back more fucked up that when i left. The cruel joke that life has played on me.
I consider this the past. Sticking toweed and liquor.i thought i would add my two cents. oink.
korky8097
04-11-2005, 07:29
Just gotta say, excellent man. Ive actually put a little copy of
it in my wallet to remind me when im reachin for that hard earned cash
that ive started down that road before. I can relate to it, ive
started down the road of addicion with benzos, opiates, amps, coke, but
always had a good friend or something there to help me back on the
path, never gotten to anything too serious but have had some shitty
withdrawls and whatnot. But anywho, great work man, touched
me. You got any other work? Id love to see it
BTW nice dead quote nadia. the lyrics remind me of skynards - that smell in a way.
Edited by: korky8097
griafspliaf
05-11-2005, 22:41
strong story,,,ive recently kicked oxycontin and this touched me. That
train is always just a stones throw away, that monkey will always be on
our backs. Let us kill him together. Peace, empathy...
ThA SmohaH
02-12-2005, 18:03
OXy contins are thetoughest thing i ever had to quit.i was doing 350 400mgs+ daily for a along time..when i quit..i thought about strait sucide it was so hard..meth coke bose weed..nothing is like stoping opiods or H..they beat me for years..still does every now and then..just not even close to where i was..mabe 40mg's a week..i hate drugs..bah...great story..because it so fucking true.
Although this thread is old, checkout the opening post. It is really beautiful and valuable.
Thank You, Alfa! Having just awakened here on the farm at 4 in the morning, I strolled the cool predawn lawn to be greeted by my mother kitties from their nightly hunt. I never cease to be amazed at the ferocious loyalty a mother cat has for its young, sacrificially bringing back prime catch of the hunt for the litter, while suppressing its own ravenous appetite...(<
And in the same vein, I then take an early stroll of this Forum's lush garden and am greeted by your own prime catch that you bring for our nourishment this morning! Thank you again, Monsieur Alfa.
The monkey and the train is that stream of consiousness raw representation unadulterated concept snapshot. Like that hole in one's heart that yearns to be filled, yet those darn intoxicants don't make too good of a patch and end up draining out, ever needing refill like a leaky car radiator. Of course, the real seal is thicky, sticky love, whose true devotion can suppress any ravenous appetite...
Its been well-nigh 2 years since SWIM weeded the garden of smoke:smoking:, drink:beer and snort:hoover:, all simultaneously. Need I say, the vegetables and flowers now grow tall, unimpeded by clinging, choking vines and overgrown thatch. Looking forward to sharing season's bountiful harvest with the Forum's hungry minions. Its ironically so cool, how a Drugs Forum serves as the way station for sober health, as well as wise guidance for altered awareness. :thumbsup: