Methamphetamine is killing my mind and body

[kiddo]

After 3 months using speed everyday my mind's exploding... there are good and bad days but right now damn going crazy. I lost my weight, my nose hurts, my face, my teeth... most of the time I spend alone cause I'm not intrested in ppl (only one.. but in those 3months I haven't seen her)


Is there nothing I can do that helps for my teeth cause I don't wanna lose them omg no... only the thought makes me freak like hell


I tought if I see pictures and read things on the internet I'll think about it and quit. but two nights agoI saw pictures and they made me feel really bad.. I don't think they were real but still there is a bad feeling. when I feel like today and go crazy I keep on running to that shit.. I promised myself to quit two weeks when I go on holiday (after 9days). I'll see what that brings...


there was just a need to tell this someone and see what others say about it ... keep it good ppl!



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[manda]

Quit for a few weeks, it will slow these things, always brush your teeth well twice a day at least.

[discobloodbath]

i read in a book that mescaline has helped alot of people with addictions... maybe u should read on the various cactus out there that containe it

[WhiteRyan]

Just remember your killing yourself, and seperate your needs from your wants. If your gonna quit my advice is to pick up a hobby immediately like working out, running, programming, whatever.

[discobloodbath]

white ryan is right... its your life and only u can take control of it.. if your friends tweek, then its time to meet some that dont.. you have to distance your self from all those temptations, n things that could bring on an urge..good luck my friend

[TwEaKeR sEeKeR]

Febuary 3rd of last year was swim's first time using this substance.Swim also has had every other day use until Dec 23rd,not swim is off swim feels really sad.

I didn't notice how bad I looked until as of recently.I look dead I went from 125 down to 100 pounds.I look sick,the issue is that I seem to have lost my social life,people who I "THOUGHT" was my friends.

I feel like dying I know im dead from the inside,I can't even go a day without thinking about it,I don't know what to do from here.I'm lost I need help and I could never confront my parents about it they don't know.

I have notice a lot of things that have changed about me,the way I act,the way I think about things,the things I notice like the birds chirping in the morning.All the little things of nature no one cares about.I'm really paranoid to.I think thats why I lost all my friends,I seemed to have lost track of everything.

Only a few friends I have left.Because they did the dope with me.Now I know why they aren't my friends anymore.I was more worried about getting my next supply then going out and hanging out with them.Im always worrying about getting high I don't have fun anymore.Lately I feel like im a horrible person,but when im high I feel normal,I don't feel normal without it.

The thing is I don't wanna quit,and it scares me because I think it will lead to my death,but I don't wanna die I wanna be high forever.I love it.I just want someone out there to feel me and tell me that i'm not a crazy ass methhead.I don't wanna be alone.

I think quiting will be the best thing for me.Deep down my conscience tell me I need to,but I can't everyone I know does it so when its around I CAN'T SAY NO!!!I need someones opinion.What should I do?Will life be better if I quit?But how do I stop thinking about it ?I love it so much.

Thanks for listening guys,

Tweakers 4 Life,
J Scrilla

[TXRoughneck]

The road doesn't go on forever, and the party does, indeed, end. It's all up to you as to how far down that road you want to keep going. When SWIX gets to that point, he backs off for a little while. Don't ever put your conscience on the back-burner. If doing something makes you feel bad about yourself, stop doing it. -- Love, Peace, laters.

[neoken]

I would steer clear of those who do it around you, or walk outta the room when they do, meth gets to people pretty bad. good luck

[pumped3.16]

OMG,your down to 100 pounds,my dog is heavier than that,get help dude.

[TwEaKeR sEeKeR]

Well,why does it gotta be so bad on the health,this is the best thing man could have ever created.I wish that people didn't look me and see it.Thats the problem though man I don't wanna stop doing it.Im addicted and I know it.

I'm to young for this to happen.Why does this happen to me,I just wanna live a normal life.When im clean from it I have these horrible dreams where I wake up and can't move my body.I think it has my soul,but I can't believe that,I wanna own IT.I wanna take control,but in the end it always takes control and it eats me alive.

[IHrtHalucingens]

Not ever being addicted to meth i cant even begin to understand what it is like besides what i hear from other people. But in all honesty i think you definately have a problem. You weigh 100lbs, now are you male or female and how tall are you? If you are a dude like pumped assumed that is very very unhealthy. I know withdrawals are the most horrible things in the world but they are worth it when it means saving your life. Maybe get some professional help. If not check out the addiction and recovery forums here, when you do decide to help yourself im sure everyone here will be there for all the support you need. I know i dont know you personally so i have a completely unbiased opinion, as it really doesnt matter to me what you do, but please think about what i say and try to at least cut back on how much you do. Life is precious and you dont have a second chance. Good Luck.

[TXRoughneck]

SWIM feels much pain when looking back on some of his trips. True friends are hard to come by, and this memory sums up the worst of the bad things that drugs can do to you.

On many different occasions SWIM's best friend was trying to have a conversation with him, and all SWIM could do was shift his stare to the face of his friend, into space, and back. SWIM was completely uninterested in anything his friend had to say because all he could think about was his next fix. Often he just wanted his best friend to leave because he didn't want to share his gear. Their friendship has existed since childhood and definitely transcends drugs. The realization of the feelings SWIM harbored for his friend during his trips caused him to take a step back. Jeopardizing his friendship concerns SWIM much more than any physical pain he might experience. Some things are more important than feeling good, or even one's physical well-being. Taking a stand upon principle, and never letting go of your conscience are two of them.

[pharmapsyche]

It sounds like you know you want to quit using meth, and i wouldn't know frome experience but as they say, once you know it, you can do it. It sounds like maybe you are a little too in love with it, but ofcourse you are, it's a drug people love to hate. SWIM doesn't think she's ever gotten too out of control on any substance and believes deep down in her heart that she will always will be able to do different drugs without it going too far. But maybe SWIM is wrong, or maybe she really does have alot of self control. I hope you know that people out there in this world, don't think your crazy, such as myself. I think you like to get high, you like to speed, it's a wonderful feeling, but if your getting to the point where you know yourself that it's getting out of control then I think you should get some help. Maybe telling your parents won't be as bad at you think it might, maybe they would support you and help you and it sounds like that is exactly what you need. All in all, you just have to realize it's all up to you. All we can say is, do what YOU think is right.
I wish you all the luck in the world!

[TwEaKeR sEeKeR]

Thank you for your opinions and help guys.I noticed a lot of things have been going back to normal as I catch up on my sleep,I don't see things move on their own anymore.I'm really exhausted though.I can't seem to sleep enough.I've have only done meth two times since dec 23rd.

I would also like to thank you guys again for talking to me,now I know im not alone,but this past year has been a hell of a ride for me,sleeping maybe 10 hours a week for around 8-9 months fucked with me hardcore.I can actually trust my bestfriend now,but the paranoia just won't seem to go away.I can't leave my house and I won't.

I'll keep you guys posted on how i'm doing with my addiction problems,and swim will let you know when he does meth.He usually reads all the amphetamine forums will speeding.

Love you guys,
J



P.S.
If anyone needs to know anything about taking or information on this drug feel free to message me,I am viable for you:)

Stay up tweakers!:D

[TwEaKeR sEeKeR]

Not ever being addicted to meth i cant even begin to understand what it is like besides what i hear from other people. But in all honesty i think you definately have a problem. You weigh 100lbs, now are you male or female and how tall are you? If you are a dude like pumped assumed that is very very unhealthy. I know withdrawals are the most horrible things in the world but they are worth it when it means saving your life. Maybe get some professional help. If not check out the addiction and recovery forums here, when you do decide to help yourself im sure everyone here will be there for all the support you need. I know i dont know you personally so i have a completely unbiased opinion, as it really doesnt matter to me what you do, but please think about what i say and try to at least cut back on how much you do. Life is precious and you dont have a second chance. Good Luck.


Im a male 19 years old.

[old hippie 56]

Hey tweaker, been there. You need to stop the maddness for a while. Like you, I went from 190 to 130 lbs. in a matter of a few months. Swim stayed off crank for years, before he felt secure enough to try again. The demon still there, but not as bad. Now swim limit self to three times a year tops. Now swim weighs 230 wish he could lose weight. Good luck in kicking the habit.

[TwEaKeR sEeKeR]

Fortunatly I'm spun out:)

[dreamatrix]

seriousuly the only cure i can advice you is a healthy dose of psychedelics,, :) it will make you see how destructive you are towards your own body ,, ,al i needed was one good hit of acid to realise meth, speed , is BS in the highest degree , i mean ,, they sell that crap by the dollar amount i mean ,, its that cheap not cause it s that easy to manufacture , but becasue its just big big crap :) no offense,, to meth users , i experienced the amphetamine vertigo myself but got out on time :) ,im not judgingrecreative use but get out while you still can,... just my two cents

[fletch]

id just like to say good luck but also note on a comment you made about the birds. im currently trying to quit coke, and its interesting because for a long time now ive noticed how i hear the birds chirping all the time, but whats interesting is how somehow ive managed to relate the calls to my addiction. i would wake up in the morning feeling amazing, then id start hearing the fucking birds and everytime this triggers something in my mind to dose up. i mean this is all the fucking time now, its like all i here is birds chirping everywhere i go and when i hear it i think of cocaine. anyone else had anything like this, sometimes when im inside and i hear them i wonder if there even real, and sometimes i think it really is just my mind in auditorial hallucination because ive heards these fucking bird calls during the night. i think i might be alot more fucked up than i think. anyway i wish you the best with kicking meth, i dont tweak but im geaked.

[jduba]

Give sober living a chance again. In the psychotic spell meth holds its users under you may not realize the great things life has to offer you that meth won’t allow. I have been where you are and didn’t want to change at all. All I wanted was to use. I promised my mom and dad I would give rehab a shot and at least a year clean after rehab to see which lifestyle I would rather live. Well, it’s a year later and there is no question in my mind that I would never want to go back to that life. Life is wonderful in its purest form and has a lot that it can give you. Give sober living another chance and if you don’t like the good things that it brings such as the ability to experience true happiness and love. Then meth will be waiting for you, it ain't going nowhere. You’re already at the point where you’re not getting high but just getting normal. Give it a couple months sober and you can have that same normal feeling without the heartache and bullshit that goes with the meth use. I’m sorry to come off preachy; I’m just trying to give my best advice because I see a lot of my self in your post and have been in your shoes. You are not the first and won’t be the last to go through this but give yourself options before committing the rest of your time here on earth rotting away. You should rule and control your life...NOT METH!! Best of luck to you with whatever you choose to do. Keep us posted. And please feel free to ask me any questions you may have.

[Wyborowa]

If you want to set clean, and can't do it yourself, i suggest you go to a DETOX center at a hospital, then to rehab. The detox will give u meds to cope with the withdrawals, mad amts of benzo's. I know when i went to the hospital for my heroin addiction, i had to wait 12 hours. They do this on purpose. Usually, the people who are waiting for a room for 6 hours, walk out eventually cause of the wait, and got high. I stayed, it was hard, but i wanted off. Took me 12 hours, but i got in.

And if you won't take yourself to a detox, get caught by the Police. You'll be without your crank for a looooong time and will easily clean up while in jail.

Just my 2 cents..

[old hippie 56]

Ain't no fun detoxing in jail, kind of hard watching your ass while you coming down off a seven day run.

[littlegirl13]

Methamphetamine addiction is a monster compared to the majority of other drugs out there. I haven't been clean for very long myself.
This is my story in a nutshell.
I have been addicted to morphine (intravaineously), hydrocodone, alcohol, methadone, pseudoephedrine, and have dabbled in just about everything.
Then I started doing crank, just a little bit, just for fun. I thought I had the mind set that made me capable of being strong enough to ward off any addiction when I decided enough was enough. But with Meth it was never enough. Then I learned how to make it. I was good at it. Very good at it.
Then I got caught. I spent my 24th birthday in jail. That was almost a year ago. With 4 felony manufacturing related charges pending I was released on bail shortly thereafter. It took a week before I was at it again. Knowing I was facing 25 years...and had my whole life ahead of me...I kept doing it. I went from 140lbs. to 94lbs in the first 6 months. Went to jail for a month and came out at 120lbs. within a month I was back to 100lbs.
Then one day I was made painfully aware that the only reason that I was ever released on such a low bond was because the authorities feared that due to errors in my arrest and incarceration that they may lose their case against me in the long run. Technicalities if you will. So I left home. I left my man who is my co-defendant, my home and all my "dope" friends. I was lucky enough to have clean friends from way back before any of this happened who cared about me enough to help me get out of the situation.
Not a day went by in that entire year and a half that I didn't think that I had been beaten. I just knew that I would die like this. Prison to me would have been a relief.
But I did make it through.
I don't know how I found the strength to do so but I did.
I am still facing 25 years. There has been no new developments in my case. Just waiting. I'm working full time now and hope to go to college this fall. The first month of fighting the addiction is the worst. You go down for about 2 weeks. You just can't find the physical strength to move for at least the first week. The second you don't want to, The third you start to get up and about but your weak and all you want to do is eat everything in sight. Then you go back to sleep. The fourth you begin to feel somewhat normal again...except for the head creeps start to kick in. The Shame...Regret...Doubt that you can continue on as a clean force to be reckoned with...you wonder if all the hell of breaking free from it is worth missing the high.
I can tell you that it is. Even if I goto prison in spite of all of this...the time I have spent clean is worth it. If you need anything at all please feel free to message me.
And may you have the strength to overcome.
All you will ever need is inside of you already. Power is knowing that.

[slimas]

Febuary 3rd of last year was swim's first time using this substance.Swim also has had every other day use until Dec 23rd,not swim is off swim feels really sad.

I didn't notice how bad I looked until as of recently.I look dead I went from 125 down to 100 pounds.I look sick,the issue is that I seem to have lost my social life,people who I "THOUGHT" was my friends.

I feel like dying I know im dead from the inside,I can't even go a day without thinking about it,I don't know what to do from here.I'm lost I need help and I could never confront my parents about it they don't know.

I have notice a lot of things that have changed about me,the way I act,the way I think about things,the things I notice like the birds chirping in the morning.All the little things of nature no one cares about.I'm really paranoid to.I think thats why I lost all my friends,I seemed to have lost track of everything.

Only a few friends I have left.Because they did the dope with me.Now I know why they aren't my friends anymore.I was more worried about getting my next supply then going out and hanging out with them.Im always worrying about getting high I don't have fun anymore.Lately I feel like im a horrible person,but when im high I feel normal,I don't feel normal without it.

The thing is I don't wanna quit,and it scares me because I think it will lead to my death,but I don't wanna die I wanna be high forever.I love it.I just want someone out there to feel me and tell me that i'm not a crazy ass methhead.I don't wanna be alone.

I think quiting will be the best thing for me.Deep down my conscience tell me I need to,but I can't everyone I know does it so when its around I CAN'T SAY NO!!!I need someones opinion.What should I do?Will life be better if I quit?But how do I stop thinking about it ?I love it so much.

Thanks for listening guys,

Tweakers 4 Life,
J Scrilla


I can identify with alot of the content in here dude, scary reading it for me cause I just realised some things about myself. Sneaking around, lying for no real reasons apart from pure selfishness, man the things I've done :(( ....it eats at my soul still everyday.
I reflect upon myself when I was younger and I hate feeling the way I do when I see myself now. I haven't let it overcome me however, have held down a job successfully, got engaged, passed exams, bought a house etc so this proves that you can control it if you tell yourself when you want to stop and the reasons behind it. I have stopped on and off but the truth is I'm still on it but controlling at a level I believe I can manage.
So the good news is I reckon is that you CAN control it - all the answers lie within yourself already you just have to tap into them. Forget all the newspapers / public hysteria cause that don't matter nor does it help you. I found the real help was being honest with myself. Sleep plays a major role too - acentuates everything when you are tired, makes trivial things seem much worse. I always see things so much clearer after a good nights sleep.
Deep down though I know this is wrong no matter how I justify it to myself and with that in mind I know I will stop one day.....when I'm ready however.

Slim (NZ)

[andi_1]

hope i'm posting in the right forum...
swim is very new here and recently posted a question, but never got an answer. this is my second posting.
long story short, swim started snorting meth at 17, smokin at 19 and bangin meth at 20. now swim is 28 and clean for 1 yr and 4 months. but swim has a definate chemical imbalance. swim was a space cadet :eek: for so long she just doens't feel "normal" now that she is off the evil stuff. swim had in the past been on celexa, lexapro, zoloft, and recently the doc gave swim paxil, and the ocassional lorazepam. is this what swim needs to be on?????????????????????? how is proxac compared to paxil????????????
please answer honestly.... i'm in the midst of trying paxil, but if there is a better suggestion .... i'm listening !

[INodHardOhYeah]

Currently you are about a year and a half into recovery after a 9.5 year meth addiction. It is going to take a long time for you to get back to normal, you didn't get fucked up over night and your not going to unfuck over night. The changes in brain chemistry brought on by meth abuse never totally go back to "normal," this isn't to say that you can't live a satisfy sober life, but it is going to take time, just take it in stride. In terms of your question about SSRIs, different meds work better on different people and you just need to find a good much for you. Many new SSRIs arise as isomers of other meds who's patents have expired, SSRIs take a good deal of time to truly be effective, just keep that in mind and try not to jump around too much, give each med atleast an 8-12 week trial before switching around unless it is causing you too much discomfort (which it will to a certain degree) Don't give up, its get better.

[~lostgurl~]

hope i'm posting in the right forum...
swim is very new here and recently posted a question, but never got an answer. this is my second posting.
long story short, swim started snorting meth at 17, smokin at 19 and bangin meth at 20. now swim is 28 and clean for 1 yr and 4 months. but swim has a definate chemical imbalance. swim was a space cadet :eek: for so long she just doens't feel "normal" now that she is off the evil stuff. swim had in the past been on celexa, lexapro, zoloft, and recently the doc gave swim paxil, and the ocassional lorazepam. is this what swim needs to be on?????????????????????? how is proxac compared to paxil????????????
please answer honestly.... i'm in the midst of trying paxil, but if there is a better suggestion .... i'm listening !

Hi andi, there is a section on this forum called SSRI's and if you Start your own thread there you might have more luck, but I think this section is good for you too, you have done really well to get 16 months sober, how'd you do it? Would love to hear about it.

As far as anti-depressants go, you didn't state what symptoms you were having to require them apart from "to feel normal" (probably not a good enough reason to warrant antidepressants.....and normal is over rated anyway) Are you feeling depressed or anxious? SWIM found that the antidepressant Effexor/Venlafaxine was helpful for her while using methamphetmine as it lessened her cravings for it. It is a SSNRI. Not sure if it would still work if swim completely stopped meth.

SWIM has also been on 3 SSRI's - Paxil then Prozac years ago, before her drug habit, and she found Paxil worked great for depression, Prozac was so so. Swim was put on celexa a few years ago but it made her manic (swim also has bipolar disorder)

A friend of swims has been clean of meth 2 years, she is on dothiepin which is a tricyclic anti-depressant and it seems to work for her, but there are lot of meds you can't take while on it.

all the best....

[VincentVan]

Dear Andi1
I had read your first request for help too and if I did´nt answer to it it was not because of callousness or lack of interest in your troubles but because the situation you describe is a bit complicated.
You are not asking how to deal with some side effects or some other practical info: what you are asking is :"what can help me now?" . To try to give you an answer on the basis of the extremely limited details that you give is more likely to do harm than good.
You did´nt even say for what reason you started to use psychoactive medications in the first place (not that you have to if you don´t want, of course)or if these medications have been prescribed to you by a specialist , a general practitioner or you just bought them on the internet or in the streets.
I know this is a boring advice and most probably not what you want or need to hear right now, but I really am convinced that the best thing you can do , and the only course of action likely to produce any positive results for you , is to find a psychiatrist or a neurologist that you feel you can trust and follow his advices.
If then you will feel like to discuss with us the advices and the eventual treatments that a specialist will choose for you, we will be honured of your trust and consideration and you will surely receive a quantity of informed opinions about it ; but the very fact that you did´nt receive any answer to your first post is a proof of the seriousness of the people in this forum: nobody wanted to risk harming you.
You don´t shoot in the dark.
I hope you will consider my "boring" advice, and maybe, that from time to time you will let us know how you´re coping.
Friendly.
VV.