View Full Version : Depression
kemistudent
17-03-2006, 20:43
Is sleeping 24 hours straight with the occasional getting up to piss, check the board, have a smoke and go back to sleep a sign of depression?
I feel like I am waiting for something good to happen, and time is all the rage. I check the mail, and get depressed when theres nothing there. I turned off my cell phone over a week ago because I was so sick of paying 50 bucks a month just for 1 person to call me. I am surrounded with toys that I know I have to sell so I can live a simpler life. My lease is up at the end of next month and I don't know what I want to do. I have a 1300 sqft 3 Bdrm apt that I live in with my dog. So much wasted space. I never leave the master bedroom. I drank a bunch of Jack the other day straight out the bottle no pussy chaser when the 4mg of klonopin I forgot I took decided to rear it's ugly head sent me into a depressive breakdown that lead to baby momma drama. My toilet has been plugged for a few days now because I ran out of toilet paper and decided to use coffe filters to wipe my ass. Because of that I don't want to eat anything heavy in fear I have shit again. It's too fuckin cold to leave the house. Im going back to bed.
motorhead
17-03-2006, 21:00
I thought you were engaged man? Yes you are depressed. Whats goin on? I mean from autofelatio to this? All this depression is a result of something. Fix that something and youll be happy again. And some better drugs will help.
kemistudent
17-03-2006, 21:42
I agree, it may be many things though, which makes it all that more complicated. It felt good to vent but I think I need to leave the house and get a plunger because I just dropped the motherload.
Maybe it will be a good thing, get some clean air.
Well if (often) i ever get depressed i just get my roor out or/well and i spose, frink what i like (jack daniels) in my case, helps a lot, maybe see gp and tell him how you feel mate, just see how it goes.
Nature Boy
21-03-2006, 00:54
Is sleeping 24 hours straight with the occasional getting up to piss, check the board, have a smoke and go back to sleep a sign of depression?
I feel like I am waiting for something good to happen, and time is all the rage. I check the mail, and get depressed when theres nothing there. I turned off my cell phone over a week ago because I was so sick of paying 50 bucks a month just for 1 person to call me. I am surrounded with toys that I know I have to sell so I can live a simpler life. My lease is up at the end of next month and I don't know what I want to do. I have a 1300 sqft 3 Bdrm apt that I live in with my dog. So much wasted space. I never leave the master bedroom. I drank a bunch of Jack the other day straight out the bottle no pussy chaser when the 4mg of klonopin I forgot I took decided to rear it's ugly head sent me into a depressive breakdown that lead to baby momma drama. My toilet has been plugged for a few days now because I ran out of toilet paper and decided to use coffe filters to wipe my ass. Because of that I don't want to eat anything heavy in fear I have shit again. It's too fuckin cold to leave the house. Im going back to bed.
No offense mate but you bitch, and bitch, and bitch.
Everyone has their problems man. It's up to you to snap out of them. Get your ass outta that bed and go for a walk or visit a friend in order to clear your head. You have a lot to be thankful for, a lot of people don't have apartments in the first place. Ultimately it's up to your own willpower to snap out of this rut.
Then again you may be enjoying yourself. If that's the case just carry on doing what you're doing. Depression isn't depression unless you literally feel emotionally distressed.
kemistudent
25-03-2006, 09:10
lol, I was just coming back to this thread to do some more bitching when I noticed that Nature Boy replied above about how much I bitch!
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGRH!@
Ok, so I complain a lot. I have high standards and I am not living up to them lately. I think it's school. If I wasn't in school right now I would be working on things that would help this community. I feel, deprived, inadequate, and to sum it up, my life feels like it is on hold. Once summer break comes around the hustle will be on to arrive at the holy compound in a way that I would have never considered before. But this waiting.. this tick tock of the movado clock is simply sinister to my mental health. Sure, You might say I have time to drink and pop a few pills, but thats completely unrelated. That is relationshit.
Maybe all of this is a blended up smoothie of both of these matters. My girl wanted me to stay over tonight, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep there and after our sensual/non sexual bath, I was itching to leave and get wasted by myself. This isolation is not good. If you knew me Nature Boy, you wouldn't know me. Thats how I am, even with my closest friends. I talk to them on the phone once and a while, but I do not let them know where I sleep at night and I do not have company over. I am very very very lonely.
Oh sure, pitty party for kemi, well you can keep the pitty party treats for you when you find yourself in the same mental hell I am in. I wish that you are able to avoid this, but it's inevitible for most who can't seem to stop.
StigmataLectron
26-03-2006, 00:20
Kemi, I'm in exactly the same place.
If you're thinking that going to school instead of contributing to your society is bad, you've got it wrong. In a way, you're doing better for them by going to school, getting a better job than minimum wage one day and in the end doing a lot better than you would if you dropped out or something.
My girl wanted me to stay over tonight, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep there and after our sensual/non sexual bath, I was itching to leave and get wasted by myself. This isolation is not good.
Are you my long lost brother or something? Whenever I'm around people at all I'm itching to get high alone and then cry about how I'm alone and wasting my life. It's like a kind of therapy. Yeah, I'm alone and depressed too, but I've just gotten used to it, learned to enjoy it. I'm not sure if that's the answer though, but it works for me to be happy to be sad.
I think it may be time for you to take a break from drugs until your focus is on track again. Yes, you do bitch about the good things you have. But it seems you are on the road to loosing the things you bitch about/Love. And then you'll truly have something to bitch about.
Pinkavvy
26-03-2006, 03:28
I agree with Alfa here. Sometimes you just need to take a break.
:joint:Kemi depression is a bitch. Now u gotta grab this bitch by the ass and fuck her senseless, it aint that hard(intended , just what you think you enjoy? try it, i mean this human experience, might as well experience. peace, and good luck with your shit. Whining like a bitch won't help though mate, might be comfortin in a weird way... k im going to stop.
just look at it like a whole new drug that you dont have to pay for and that you will regret taking... swim is wd from benzos flexeril weed and tobbacco all at once and having woman problems and he just has decided to take it like that... by the way swim has also recently slept for upwards of 20 hours in a day... it might have had more to do with recreation than depression... or maybe it was recreational depression? swim doesnt remember now... a little pain with your pleasure is always a little fun... maybe even kinky... its all an experience... live it and love it or leave it and lose it... maybe i should stop typing now
:joint:
cheers
FrankenChrist
08-04-2006, 01:44
Change your routine, whatever it is, and start doing constructive things.
motorhead
08-04-2006, 03:58
Kemi has been in great cheer lately.....
kemistudent
08-04-2006, 08:57
lol, I forgot (and feel shameful kinda) that I even started this thread. I was very depressed a few weeks ago, but have felt better after I laid off the adderall and EtOH.
The desire to live on is relative to people in your life that you care about. If all you care about is this new toy, and that new drug, then you will find yourself in a pit with wet walls. You NEED someone to love. In some cases, you need someone to love you, even more. I don't lack these desires, I just lost sight of them for a minute.
I try to keep to myself, even amongst friends, and that is due to a secret life I live every few months for a few weeks. For this reason I find myself lonely at times. I cherrish this web site, and others like it, for it allows me to connect on a mental level with others that share similiar interests. I have been thinking of making my AIM name public so I can actually have more intellectual time chatting in real time with people, but I need to do some research before I do that and see what aspects of privacy I will be losing.
Everyone needs someone, and everyone goes through a period where they feel like they dont have anyone, even when they do, they just consider those people not on the same level or disconnected from understanding your depression. It's times like that, you need somebody to talk too.
MALVINAS
22-04-2006, 04:58
I understand exactly what u feel but man, as a song says...
Renew our faith which way we can
To fall in love with life again
LowExpectations
25-04-2006, 06:18
Remember, depression is simply chemicals in your brain casting doubt on that which should not be doubted. The raw sensation of doubt itself. The paranoid can always find reasons for their paranoia, else they would not suffer the disorder. Same applies to depression, and all you have to do is clear your logical mind and become aware of your emotional state, thus eliminating that left brain want to continue the sensation's temptations.