any ex-junkies here?

[mars]

hey i'm new here.. I shot dope for 8 long years.. been clean for 2 yrs.. however one of my best friends killed himself 2 weeks ago and all I think about is fixing again.. he was my running partner.. we copped for each other, fixed all day and night together, when he ODd I took him to the ER and he did the same for me.. we got on methadone (several times) together and got clean together.. now he's gone and all I wanna do is fix.. I don't know why I'm feeling so self-destructive.. I don't think about dope that much anymore but now it's all I think about.. I've stayed clean for 2 yrs which has been really hard and I don't wanna blow it.. maybe I should go to a meeting or something


any ex-junkies out there? do you crave it? what do you do when you wanna fix but you know you can't

hey what up i know how you feel i ben doing dope for 1/y and a/hafi im clen but im only 16 teen im in the sytem fro haveing heroin and i got like 200 days and i feel the pain to am cali but you stell feel the pain to get it i suck im geting off probashon in like 3/m but i thenk im going to get hi a gen it sucks it all arwand me all the time i get phat from my guy and he tells me that he well hook me up for free its shit_y it sucks being clen but then its good but it suck dick you know what i meen well f**k hope you do good im in oceanside cali san dieago hope you saty calen i cant speel but f**k it later hope you stay calen i feel you pain man!!! it suck later....................f**k

[hollywood]

mars


I feel you on the pain.. Just try and stay strong, for you and your friend that you lost. I lost three friends when I went to prison. I shot dope for 20 years, even when I was in the clink. I've been clean for about three years now. I think about it all the time but when I get ready to fix I think about all the times I was sick. Man is'nt that the worst thing in the world? I do love the dope but I love wakeing up and being well better. Think about that the next time you want to get high. GOOD LUCK

[hollywood]

Mars where are you???????????????????????????????????????????????

i used to shoot dope during college and some years after that, maybe5 in total; those were some of the best times of my life, but also some of the worst. i think 4 -5 kids OD'd and died that i know during that time period.some of them could have been saved, those were some stupid deaths. in one case, his buddies were too scared to call the ambulance to even to drop him off at the hospital.. they basically did nothing but freak out while their friend just turned blue. another girl had to shoot up alone because her "friends" gave her so much shit about it. they made her feel so dirty and worthless, but heroin is such a beast and she couldnt stop --so she ended up hiding her usage... and she OD'd one nite by herself. f**king pisses me off whenever i think about her. (to all the people pissed off at your junkie friend, OK enough already stop lecturing - they feel bad, show some love and support)


anyways, i was about to sign a lease to a new apt with 2 junkie friends after i graduated college (barely passed), but then i realized i didnt want that life. so i sold all my shit and moved to a new city. i made some new friends but soon i was up to my old tricks again. within a month, i knew what street to cop on, where to get works, etc etc, but this time around - i was ostricized from the beginning and had to start shooting up in the bathroom (like my friend did). i would be in the john for 45 minutes nodding out. nobody knew what was wrong with me.. anyways i dont know how i quit except that i got tired of being the only one high and all my new friends were so active and shit. nobody wanted to join me in a 5 hour chainsmoking session on the sofa. i guess my surroundings changed helped alot.


so i've been clean for about4 years. yeah i think about it still. who wouldnt? heroin is better than sex. it would be so easy to slip into that life again. so comfortablebeing high, letting go, forgetting your problems, and let's not forget the f**king RUSH.... heaven


but the funny thing is that you always remember the best parts. if the brain could remember all the guilt and misery you felt from doing dope, there wouldnt be junkies. really, nobody wants to f**k up every relationship in their life. but heroin does that for you. i've cried many times in bed, pissed off at myself, heroin, shooting up, my collapsed vein, my family's angst, losing my girlfriend, seeing my friends die, hearing about my dealer getting shot and only thinking about how i am going to get the next score, getting ripped off, calling my dealer like 400 times a day etc etc i've sworn many many many many times to quit. and now that i have quit, i have to remember all this misery to keep me from starting. dude, congrats on getting clean - it's not easy. dont start again, cause you'll just want to be clean again and you'll have to suffer like a bitch the next time around.

[xdopefiend]

anybody can get clean,it's not that hard,you're sick for a couple of days and then it's over,but staying clean is the hardest thing in the world.it's like having a disease that will go away on it's own but you keep giving it to yourself over and over again.

[AngelEyes]

I was an addict for 4 years and have now been clean for four years and guess what? I still can't watch people use on Telly without feeling a little envious. I guess what stops me from going back is firstly, I know that even though it does feel good it is definately no good in the long run, secondly, my life is so much better without it.



Your friend wouldn't want you to end up the same way as him

and by staying clean you would make him proud



I know it's hard...very very hard but please don't go back, you will regret it.



If you need to talk you can contact me on msn flisss_angel@hotmail.com

[GeoBem007]

Hi!



I was wondering if any of these ex-users wanna do their story, how they got started and stuff for me ?



I'm on a project for school about drugs, I had to handle opiates (or whatever you spell it in english) and how to become addicted. After finding some facts on the internet I thought about trying to get a story from a real (ex)addicted!



email me your story at GeoBem007[at]hotmail.com or by pm if you want to! and please by tonight or tomorrownight, since I have to hand it over tuesday...



Thanks a lot!

[Loli]

. ) Join the club init?











<img border="0" src= "smileys/smiley11.gif">

[hollywood]

What ever you do, don't use. think about the bad times. And think about what it does to your friends and family. Don't do it man, Please. It's a never ending story.Think about when you wake up and don't have to wory about a wake up................................................ ..


Hollywood


If by some chance you do fall off the wagon, it's not the end of the world. just get back on and hold on for dear life. You can do it................................................ .................................................. ............

[baddolly]

god...it's nice to see some friendly supportive faces.

i was using for over 5 years and just in the last 2 weeks managed to get clean but i'm really in a vunerable state...i live with my boyfriend who used with me(he got clean a few weeks earlier than me)and i find myself thinking of every excuse in the world to want to use...i've fallen 2-3 times but think somehow i'm "doing the right thing" because i wait 48 hours between fixes...i KNOW thats just going to lead to me getting sick soon ,right now i just sit and wait to see how bad i feel between the fixes(which isn't great but nothing too bad)which scares me..it opens up the door for OD'ing(which i have many times)and to make matters worse i'm doing it behind my boyfriends back! i just don't want him to f**k up too...hmmmmm or am i just being greeedy? haha

anyway i'm struggling to stop all together...thanks for letting me vent...its hard to find a sympathic and non-judgemental ear...lots of love to all of you !!!! be safe everyone!

good luck to everyone...

[manda]

Its so hard to quitbecause no one that's truly flown will ever forget it.

[Woodman]

Naahhhh!



I've quit lots of times.

It's easy!



It's the "Staying Away" that gets you.

[exabuser]

i would like to congratulate anyone who has detoxed off h, especiallyif u pinned it, cause i smoked it for about 2 years and that rattle was bad enough, i cant imagine what it must have been like. staying off is fekin hard as well, i just think that i dont want to go thru that rattle again.


some people could probably smoke it for a couple of days at the most and get away with it and not use again for a while,where as some after 1 go thats it, back on the wagon along the tunnel with the light at the end switched off.


U.S.A use stop abuse.

[maxmoe]

I am not a junkie, but I read all your posts and feel sad. There is so much suffering in this world and its made worse by callous people. People who look at junkie and write them off, there's another loser. Man its easy to win. Anyways good luck to all and may we meet in a better place.

[32785]

letspray mars is ok, i think we all know what happened.

[Resistant3000]

it's a damn shame...<img border="0" src= "smileys/smiley6.gif">

[anonymous79]

Hey, I would just like to say Mars stay strong for your friend. I never was addicted to heroin but I have a boyfriend with a very serious addiction. He has been using since he was a young kid and now has been on it for 10 years. He gets clean on and off but always fall back into it. He was clean recently for his longest time which was over a year. He relapsed this summer. Now I go visit him on weekends in prison. I miss him but I am happy when he is in prison because I know its the only time he is truely safe from himself. I know when he is out in a few months we will go right back into the same process over again. It breaks your heart to see someone you care about doing this.Although I know he doesnt want to be like this I know he will once again use. I think the longer you have been using the harder it is. I cant imagine what life has been like for him. I have only heard stories and have seen the effects of what it has done to him. Although he is alive and healthy today he lost 10 years of his life to the drug. He lived on the streets, in car trunks, sheds and public restrooms. He has had hepititis and heart damage he deals with. I would stay awake night after night just to make sure he didnt die. When I would go to class I would drag him with me so he would not OD on his own. I have spent a long time watching it. All of the negatives and side effects-its just not worth it.